Communicating effectively

Effective communication means being able to really listen to each other, to really hear what is going on and be able to respond accordingly. In order to do that, we need to be aware of, and recognize, our feelings. We can then begin to use those feelings as a basis for honest discussion about our relationship difficulties.

Which brings us to another problem: unfortunately, many of us grew up not learning how to express our feelings. We were not encouraged to say how we really felt about something (and it might not have been safe to do so anyway).

And our role models - usually our parents/caregivers - were not always effective communicators themselves. As a result, we often don't have much idea about what we are truly feeling - and especially not how to handle conflict.

We tend to fall into two categories: the hostile-but-silent, who withdraw at the first sign of conflict; or the screaming almost-out-of-control, who despair of anything ever getting resolved - but if we just yell louder.

Whichever category we fall into - it doesn't work.