What might be going on
If you are recognizing problem aspects of your relationship, perhaps the following makes some sense to you.
Somewhere along the way, we have learned how NOT to talk to each other in a way that leaves us both
heard. Disagreements escalate - what start out as fairly minor arguments over mundane matters, suddenly
become relationship-threatening. We become afraid to say what we're really feeling and thinking - or to ask
for what we want and need.
So we talk in riddles, or get mad at each other over small things, all the while wishing s/he would
"get it". Hoping our partners will see through the cover story, and provide us with all our wants
and needs without us having to spell them out. And at the same time, desperately wanting them to love us just
the way we are.
In short, we tend to talk AT rather than WITH.
Familiar struggles
Do these situations sound all too familiar?
• Are you and your partner spending more time arguing than loving?
• Do you find yourselves living in an almost permanent state of tension?
• Are you feeling frustrated because nothing much is changing?
• Are you finding that the more you yell, the more your partner becomes silent?
• Do you sometimes wish you could both talk about what's REALLY going on between you
instead of sniping away at each other ineffectively? (And do you often wonder where the fun
went?)
If you are saying yes to most of these questions, you have come to the right place. I can help you!
Communicating effectively
So what do we need to do?
How can I help you?
Your next step
"One of the best parts of learning to talk to each other honestly was that we got
some laughter back into our lives. It had all become so serious and tense - even deciding
which movie to see had often led to a huge fight."
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