Mixed emotions

Chances are you have had to make some significant lifestyle changes in your new role. In terms of practicality, you may have needed to alter your living arrangements, or even move house - to have more room, to be closer to educational facilities, or perhaps to be closer to other family members, including the natural parents (if appropriate).

You may have had to adjust your financial expectations in terms of your retirement - raising children costs money. Or you may have had to swap your "retirement" car for a minivan. And that trip around South America might be on the back-burner for a while yet.

But however much you love and rejoice in your grandchildren, nothing will have really prepared you for all the emotional upheavals - yours or your grandchildren's. Whatever circumstances they have left behind them, the children are likely to be angry and confused. As the grandparent dealing with this, at the same time you will be trying to cope with your own issues such as anger, grief - and perhaps resentment. Why has this happened - now? How can I cope with all this at my time of life? What will happen as I grow older and they are still dependent on me?

In addition, you may be caught up in dealing with the reasons you are raising your grandchildren - adult children with addiction problems for example, who need a different kind of support. Another example would be the grieving of the loss of your own children to disease or an accident.

Overall, grandparents raising grandchildren, like you, have many issues to contend with. Remaining emotionally and physically healthy is going to be an essential part of your life.

On the positive side, most grandparents and grandchildren share a loving bond - and you will be experiencing some comfort in knowing that you are bringing stability and love to their lives. You will enjoy seeing many of the "firsts", and acknowledging the various milestones as the grandchildren grow.

And if you've often wished that you had a second chance at bringing up your own children, now that you know so much more!